On Wednesday, I took the train to Harrisburg for a quick trip. I got on the train at 6:07am, off at 9:15am, and then back on at 3:03pm, and was supposed to be off at 6:30pm (that’s a different, more annoying story). I brought a book, I’m currently readingThe Perfume Lover by Denyse Beaulieu, but instead of reaching inside of my Petite Noé that acts as a catchall on trips, and instead of getting my book, I grabbed my airpods.
Spotify had just given me a push notification claiming to have record of not only the day I joined (it was my birthday, February 6, 2015), the first song played (it’s embarrassing), and my most replayed songs ever.
It felt like a musical love letter to all the versions of me. It was so nostalgic, too.
The playlist was so fun because almost instantly I was transported back to who I was when I was obsessed with the songs. For some of them, I can remember not only why I loved the song and where I was replaying it all those times that put it on the playlist in the first place but who I was at the time too, what I was hyperfixated on, who I was dating, sometimes I can even smell the perfume I would have been wearing.
I’m not shocked songs, like smells, can bring to life such vivid memories.
There were my songs of the moment, the ones I used for motivation, the gospel standbys to stir myself and my faith up, plus a ton of Mint Condition. Last year they beat out Beyoncé for my most played artist.
Spotify is telling me that Miguel’s aggressively sweet “Banana Clip” is my most replayed song, followed by Nipsey Hussle’s “No Days Off.”
For me, both of those songs affirmed how I showed up in relationships and in the pursuit of my dreams. I listened to “No Days Off,” on repeat my first year in New York, moved on and forgot about it, only to revisit it repeatedly since Nipsey passed. I remember being on the Amtrak train actually, when I found out he died and immediately wanted to revisit that song.
I’m livin’ out my dreams now
Livin’ out my dreams now now now
I added it to all of my shower playlists and it’s still in rotation to this day. I like thinking about the version of Channing in 2013 wearing that song out and how she would have loved the version of Channing in 2019. I mean she would have been living for her, though she probably wouldn’t like that she was neglecting her blog or newsletter. Which is a big reason 2026 Channing wants to be so good to Fluff.
Most of the songs on this playlist are also on my shower playlists now that I think about it. People who know me in person already know this but my showers are really long, I have a body care routine but I’m also in there using music to manifest and speak life over myself. There is something healing to me about saying your prayers to the water as it rushes over you. It makes the prayers feel, I don’t know, almost alive.
I like words, I like reading them, I like hearing them, I like singing them. I want both love letters written by hand and whispered in my ear.
What are you speaking over yourself? What song are you using to do so? Do you sing it to yourself? What about in the shower?
I want to hear you, too. We just added comments to the site now that I’ve gotten the hang of posting weekly, and if you’re feeling especially chatty, will you send me a voice note of whatever your thoughts are about what you read? Or if there is something you want to see happen here? I will edit them all together once a month into some kind of old-fashioned radio show.
I’m finishing this post on that same train back, early on Friday morning, my first day in my brand new life. I can’t wait to score this next chapter of my life.
