The fan in my bedroom is blowing loudly. I can’t hear my neighbor’s tv for once. The window is open and the breeze feels nice. I want another glass of wine. I want to drink it slowly in bed while I read on my Kindle. The street is quiet too. It’s 11:07pm. This is my second day of being unemployed.
I’m happy to be home because I can sleep during the day without anyone getting suspicious I’m depressed. And I might be. I made a joke the other day about ‘Being Mary Jane’-ing myself. I won’t go further because I would need a trigger warning but, if you know, you know.
I’m exhausted mentally, and a little physically, too.
Not to put pressure on myself in an already precarious situation, but how I spend the next 3 months could shift my life.
I just need something to break in my favor. I need to see the favor in this realm that I believe to be over my life. Nothing is working as it should. I know that’s a selfish thing to say when life is doing everyone dirty, but I just need something. God give me something.
Wait, I don’t know if this is fair to say, because I was able to finish out my contract. I wasn’t let go with no notice. Grace is all over my life. It’s funny because there was a very specific prayer I would say in the shower, and I do think that’s why I could finish out my contract. Between my shower prayers and the prayers I speak over myself as I oil my body, I really shouldn’t have an issue sitting in the in-between, but here we are.
One thing I do know to be true is that God has never taken anything from me, and not filled that gap with something better. Something more fulfilling. Something I maybe even didn’t verbalize I wanted. But I guess he knows my heart, and all that.
I watched this Tiktok the other day, and the girl was saying a bottle of wine changed her life. Well, color me intrigued. I love wine and I, too, am needing to rebrand my life.
It was a bottle of Gérard Betrand Orange Gold wine. A biodynamic wine. I didn’t know what “biodynamic” meant in terms of wine until I heard this woman speak.
“I didn’t fully know what that was,” Gen Z Wine Reviewer said in her TikTok, “and then I discovered it’s spiritual wine-making.”
From my own research, I found out biodynamic wines are produced without synthetic wines or fertilizers, and are produced in holistic ecosystems. One thing that stood out to me was planting, pruning, picking and bottling are carried out based on a lunar calendar.
“I just remember going through a very tough time while drinking this wine and taking a warm bath,” she continued. She said the wine gave her some type of spiritual soundness. “Wine is a very beautiful thing, it changes as it sits in the bottle and it changes as you change as a person.
I’m having the wine now and the moon is peeking through the drapes. She looks so pretty and almost-full. Much like how I feel when I wear my Tragedy perfume oil, I sat in the window, under the moon, drinking this wine, with a silent plea.
